Many parents expect to feel an instant emotional bond with their baby, but for a large number, it takes time. Bonding is a relationship that develops gradually, not a moment you either “have or don’t have.” If you don’t feel immediate love or connection, nothing is wrong with you — it is a normal reaction to birth, hormonal changes, exhaustion, and the profound shift into parenthood.

There are many reasons bonding might take longer. A difficult birth, medical complications, separation from the baby, feeding challenges, anxiety, depression, or simply overwhelming exhaustion can all affect emotional availability. Societal pressure to feel a certain way can make this even harder.

Signs that bonding is delayed may include feeling uncertain about caregiving, emotional distance, or struggling to feel present with the baby. Remember: bonding is not a performance — it is built through everyday moments. Holding your baby, responding to cues, offering comfort, and being physically close all strengthen attachment, even when feelings lag behind.

Support can be very helpful. Talking with your midwife, family health nurse, or therapist can bring clarity, reassurance, and practical strategies. If depression, anxiety, or trauma is part of the picture, professional treatment can make bonding easier over time.

Seek help if emotional distance lasts for several weeks, if you feel overwhelmed, or if connecting with the baby feels persistently difficult.

Alma’s tips

• Connection grows through small moments of closeness.

• Skin-to-skin or babywearing helps strengthen bonding.

• Share your experience with your care provider — support is available.

• Avoid comparing yourself to others; every relationship has its own rhythm.